Teen says his two moms don't make him different from other teens

By Marci Laehr

Monday, April 26, 2004 12:00 PM CDT

Daniel Pologe is your average teen.

His uniform is typical: black T-shirt, blue jeans, a pair of Chuck Taylor's, and bright orange hair - dyed to assert his individuality, like many of his peers.

Daniel likes watching interesting movies, playing video games, reading and just hanging out with his friends.

On second thought, perhaps average isn't the best word to describe him. He's a straight-A student in an intensive academic program at his Milwaukee middle school, and he also has a creative flair he hopes will someday earn him a job in the film industry.

And oh yeah, he has two moms.

Wendy Pologe is Daniel's birth mother. Mary Thoreson is his legal guardian. The lesbian couple has been together 23 years. They had Daniel almost 15 years ago.

The three of them are a family - the only family Daniel has ever known.

"I think I come from an open and loving family," he said. "They embrace you for who you are."

Growing up with two moms is not really different from growing up with two parents of opposite sex, he said. "I think people think I'm not a normal kid," Daniel said. "I'm as normal as anyone else."

Every morning Daniel wakes up, has breakfast, goes to school, comes home, does his homework, watches TV or hangs out, does his chores, eats dinner and goes to bed - like any other kid.

His friends accept him and his family. Daniel's not an outcast by any means.

"Kids came up to me when I was in fourth grade and said it was impossible to have two moms," he said. "It used to be a bigger deal; I've gotten stuff about it. It's just how I grew up."

Around the time he was in fifth grade, Daniel learned that his family was different than other families.

"There was another boy, whose parents were devoutly religious," Wendy Pologe said. "The kid didn't have a problem, (but) his parents couldn't handle it. The boy told Daniel, `My parents said your moms do weird things.'"

"It really strained their relationship," she said. "What a message to send to a kid."

Today, Daniel said his family structure isn't really an issue. In fact, more often the problem is people don't believe him when he tells them he has two moms.

"As you get older, people are more accepting," he said. "It's easier; I'm more comfortable."

Since he's been at his middle school, word has gotten around that he has two moms, he said. It's taken a little while, but his friends are actually starting to talk to him about it now. They have discussions about it.

That's a big step for him. "I wasn't as open about it," Daniel said. "It's kind of scary being different."

Now Daniel said his peers don't really make a big deal out of his family. Most of them just accept it. And so do a majority of their parents.

"Dan met this one kid at school," Pologe said. "He told his mom that we were a lesbian couple; she thought that was so cool."

Pologe and Thoreson are very dedicated parents and are extremely proud of their son and his academic achievements. They support his ambitions of becoming a filmmaker. They are also protective.

"We have worked with his principal and guidance counselor and told them any kind of harassment he got because of his family would not be tolerated," Thoreson said.

Fortunately, it's never been an issue.

But that doesn't mean their family hasn't had their bumps along the way. Just like any other family, they've dealt with their share of challenges.

"It's been a challenge for us to raise a boy," Pologe said. "You're still battling all (those ideas) about how to be a boy or a man."

Daniel has male role models - his grandfather, uncle and other family members. "We have a lot of support from our immediate families," Pologe said.

Thoreson's dad even helps take Daniel to school in the morning. "We have men in our lives," Thoreson said.

Daniel thinks he's been taught to be more emotionally expressive and more of an individual by his moms. And although he is "straight," he said it's nice to know if he wasn't, his parents would accept a gay son.

All in all, Daniel said he doesn't think he's really any different from any other teens.

"I don't think its affected me," he said. "The only thing is not always having your family accepted. That's somewhat hard."

His moms agreed.

"We're just people," Thoreson said. "We have jobs. We go to the grocery store. We're not some scary, horrible people to be afraid of."

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