Endorsement: Jon Stewart for president

By Rachel Campbell

Wednesday, September 29, 2004 12:41 PM CDT

First Bill O'Reilly managed to anger the Comedy Central gods by referring to the viewers of "The Daily Show" as "stoned slackers." Odd that they would get so riled up, considering faux-anchorman Jon Stewart regularly refers to his audience's affinity for beer and weed, but anyway: Comedy Central consulted Nielson Media Research, which revealed that, actually, members of the "Daily Show" audience are exponentially more likely to hold college degrees than viewers of "The O'Reilly Factor."

And now, according to statistical data reported by CNN.com, " `Daily Show' viewers know more about election issues than people who regularly read newspapers or watch television news, according to the National Annenberg Election Survey." That's it: Everybody! Write in Jon Stewart on Nov. 2! Farfetched? Hardly: there's already an Internet effort pushing for Stewart to endorse a presidential candidate. The plea at DearJonStewart.com reads, "Because of your program, more young Americans than ever are aware of the sad state of the country. It is our belief that an endorsement from you would further legitimize political participation in the eyes of our generation, and give us the confidence to stand up for our future." As of press time, 1,173 people have electronically signed the petition.

I say we take it one step further and just elect the man himself. Obviously he is extremely intelligent and well-informed of the issues of the day; he was born in the U.S. and is over 35; he's co-authored a book on American politics and is a published author in his own right; he's a master of diplomacy by virtue of his hosting skills regarding Democrats, Republicans, Celebrities, and other deluded persons; and Lord knows he's an excellent public speaker. Take, for example, his stirring commencement address and honorary doctorate acceptance speech earlier this year at his alma mater, The College of William & Mary. "What piece of wisdom can I impart to you about my journey that will somehow ease your transition from college back to your parents' basement?" he humbly asked, before advising the Class of 2004 with the following: "College is not necessarily predictive of your future success. And it's the kind of thing where the path that I chose obviously wouldn't work for you. For one, you're not very funny. So how do you know what is the right path to choose to get the result that you desire? And the honest answer is this. You won't. And accepting that greatly eases the anxiety of your life experience." Humility and honesty: what presidential candidate can currently claim either of those virtues? - and still be entertaining, no less? (You can read the address in its entirety at http://www.wm.edu/news/index.php?id=3650 - it'll kill at least ten minutes at work.) He's too liberal to be a Republican, he's too interesting to be a Democrat, and he's way too likable to be a member of the Green party, so he would have to represent another party entirely. The Comic Political Party? Nah, too redundant. (For the record, Mr. Stewart claims an affiliation with the Whig party, which essentially disbanded in 1856.) But write him in anyway: he could be bigger than Mickey.

Online reporter Rachel Campbell can be reached by email at rachel.campbell@lee.net or by phone at (262) 631-1795. Donations for the Jon Stewart For President Fund should be made out to Rachel Campbell, self-appointed treasurer. Although you should keep in mind that he'll probably lose anyway and that the money will go towards Doritos.

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