Mike Moore -- Can't-miss ideas for fees from minds of readers

By Mike Moore

Monday, November 14, 2005 2:03 AM CST

Sometimes, I feel like a spark plug. Definitely not in the sense that I should be replaced after a certain number of miles. I mean in the sense that my work is there to fire the creative gases in readers' brains.

That was evident recently, after I wrote a column poking fun at the city of Racine's proposed fees - particularly the $500 one for the Fire Department to respond to car accidents. I offered some additional fees the city could use, along those same lines, to bulk up its revenue chest. Like a divot fee on the golf course and a toll for each driveway.

I also asked readers to respond with their own ideas for new fees, which they did. Some people suffered the "Don't give 'em any more ideas" panic attack.

I think it's safe to give our leaders the benefit of the doubt on this one. Besides, considering the budget vote is just a day away, I doubt they could scramble to get these in place.

Keep in mind, you can still hurl tomatoes at me, as usual, but since these are your fellow readers' thoughts and not mine, it'd make more sense just to leave them outside the door.

One reader called to suggest meters on household toilets. I'm not privvy to the figures that would show whether that'd help our financial troubles vanish. The charge would be $1 or $2 depending on the, uh, method of delivery.

Somebody else liked the idea, but preferred it be limited to City Hall johns.

On my blog, people took off the gloves and started flailing. Apparently, the bull's-eye wasn't pinned exclusively on city government anymore.

The poster known as First District Resident suggested a "$500 fee for every second vote fraudulent voters place in Racine elections." So far, that would officially bring in zero, although I do recognize the potential is there.

That reader also suggested a $5 fee for "every Illinois resident that crosses the border into our county, then, after a year we institute a pass system that doubles the cost of the county border fee if you don't pay a yearly fee for the pass."

Somebody's bitter. I doubt it'd change their plans, anyway. Flatlanders are conditioned to accept any toll that's shoved at 'em.

Same person also suggested a fee for "presenting biased news reporting based on unfounded, unchecked and unverified `facts.' We can call it the Dan Rather tax."

Ouch. Start me up a tab, since biased reporting is what I do best - well, biased toward common sense, anyway.

Someone going by the name "think1st" offered the gift that keeps on giving.

"How about a $1,000 fee every time that you catch a politician lying?" the suggestion read. "That should take care of all the budget problems!" Not clear if there'd be an additional surcharge if the politician lied about paying the fee.

Yet another reader saw dollar signs in local staples: Charge a fee for each fish fry or kringle. Could be an incentive for public health officials to get us to eat more twigs and less stuff that's going to make us happy. Bring us another plate of cod and a thick slice of the pecan and we'll think it over.

Lastly, one faithful reader e-mailed in suggestions on how to save the Racine Heritage Museum. Since then, the county hammered out a way to do just that. For future reference, I thought the ideas were still worth sharing.

First would be a "great grandmother fee," under which "genealogy patrons could pay $20 per ancestor found," she wrote.

Even better, "The museum could rent out the mummy for $100 per Halloween party."

If it made a ton, we could call it one of those rags-to-riches stories.

Mike Moore's weblog is at

http://www.youknowmoore.com

His column runs three days a week: Monday, Wednesday and Friday. He can be reached at (262) 631-1724 or by e-mail at

mike.moore@lee.net

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