MIKE MOORE: How to cannon-ize the square’s new theme

By MIKE MOORE
Journal Times

Thursday, October 18, 2007 10:28 PM CDT

What we need is the architectural equivalent of that expert who can recommend the perfect wine to go with any dish.

Otherwise Monument Square could soon be like a fruity white paired with a Porterhouse. Or maybe a hearty red with perch. I don’t know. I’m not that guy. The point is people are worried about a disconnect.

The redesign a few years back changed the whole theme of the square. It went from quiet, shaded and, toward the end — butt-ugly — to open and celebratory.

Two 19th-century cannons, long-term residents, didn’t fit in the new vision and got the boot. After a city committee’s vote this week, it appears the Parrott guns could return for a second tour.

We’ve heard from a contingent who would rather dump the gathering-place approach altogether. With the crowds gone, I guess that would leave a more reflective place where people could reminisce about the old days when the square was crowded.

Most people, though, would agree crowds are a good thing. So the question is whether it makes sense for important historical relics like the cannons to co-exist with shoppers and concert-goers. The natural response would be no, that they would receive more respectful treatment somewhere else.

But the Belle City is not led by a bunch of quitters. Not unless you’re talking about children’s museums, anyway.

There have to be ways the city could seamlessly integrate the cannons with the new Monument Square vibe. You know, let them know they can come home again after the indignity of being dumped behind a shed:

n Art-illery, the latest event where aficionados can buy paintings and sculptures of a high caliber

n Over Our Head Players’ outdoor theatre production of “Annie Get Your Parrott Gun”

n Pointed toward the stage, a more effective version of the gong to get rid of subpar Music on the Monument acts

n Two words for leftover inventory from farmers’ markets: potato gun

n Theft deterrent during public art projects

n One lit fuse provides quick transportation between downtown venues for extremely skinny tourists too impatient to wait for the trolley

n Instant hopper for bingo games

n Make regattas more challenging by launching a few blank rounds into the harbor

n Outdoor wedding ceremonies, presided over by a special order of priests known as “Cannon Fadders”

Of course, as anyone who has ever tried to mingle different groups of friends knows, you can’t force chemistry. The cannons were forged in a time of somber battle hymns, generations before Monument Square favorites The Britins had a group like The Beatles to imitate.

Stick the old and new themes together and they might never click. They might have to settle for that awkward silence, until “We Can Work It Out” comes blaring through the big speakers.

Mike Moore’s local news column runs Monday, Wednesday and Friday. He can be reached at (262) 631-1724 or

mike.moore@lee.net

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