The decision about whether to buy a first home is complex. You need to consider the state of your finances, how well you understand the process and even the stability of your romantic life.

Buying a home takes money, obviously. Besides the down payment, buyers can expect to pay thousands of dollars in closing costs.

There are also significant costs associated with selling, so financial planners generally advise people to avoid buying if they don't plan to stay for a while.

Karen P. Schaeffer, a financial planner in Rockville, Md., said she advises clients not to buy unless they see themselves in the house for at least five years. "If your job isn't settled, please don't buy," she said. "I don't want you to lose a job opportunity" over a house.

Although you can't predict the future, she said, people generally come to a point in their lives when they want to settle somewhere for a while. "It may be for the schools, for the community, or just because they don't want to move again."

Look at the likely scenarios for your life in the next few years, she said, and evaluate the odds that the place will still work for you under those circumstances.

And it shouldn't take an exotic mortgage to pay for your home, she said. "I'm a really huge fan of fairly conventional financing," especially after seeing how so many people got into trouble with other types of loans in the past few years. A buyer considering an alternative loan, such as one with an interest-only payment or an adjustable rate, should "try out the worst-case scenario" and see if the budget can handle it, she said.

As would be-buyers prepare a budget, they shouldn't neglect the other expenses often associated with moving, such as new window treatments and furniture, Schaeffer said. "Making it livable and making it yours is all part of why you want to buy."

Bruce K. Sneed, a financial planner in Woodbridge, Va., pointed out that extra cash is especially important if you are buying a place significantly bigger than where you live now. "If you buy this giant house, you're going to have to furnish it - or you're going to be walking around in a bunch of empty rooms."

Andi Fleming, a real estate agent with Long & Foster in D.C., said she advises first-time home buyers who are dreaming of big renovations to be especially cautious. "The cost can be extraordinary."

But even regular maintenance can add up. And, Fleming warned, "if you don't pay for it annually, you will pay for it when you sell the house."

Schaeffer suggests that prospective home buyers draw up an estimate of what their budget will be after they buy and then follow it for six to 12 months. "It's an easy way to prove to them that they are not quite ready - or get them motivated."

Another key factor: the ability to save. "People have to be serious enough about it to collect a down payment first," Schaeffer said.

There are still loan programs that will allow people to buy with less cash upfront, but Sneed encourages his clients to rent until they save a 20 percent down payment.

That discipline to save will pay off when renters become homeowners, both planners said.

"When you're a homeowner, not only do you have to make those very predictable monthly expenses, but you have to be prepared to protect that investment," Schaeffer said. "So let's have a little bit of wiggle room."

How much would-be buyers need to save depends in part on how reliable their income is. For example, she pointed out, "a federal government job is usually pretty darn stable," but someone who is self-employed may need a bigger cash cushion.

Still, even with a stable job, she said, there are no guarantees in life. One time when you go to the dentist, "it's going to be something big," she said.

She said people should ask themselves how long they can go without a paycheck should they lose their job or get seriously ill. "How many months before I am groveling at Aunt Sophie's feet? You ought to be able to go three to six months," she said.

But would-be buyers shouldn't limit their analysis to the cost of owning the home, the planners said. They should also make sure ownership won't prevent them from meeting other financial goals, such as buying a car or saving for college and retirement.

"Anybody who is mid-career, we've got too much house if we can't put a lot of money in a 401(k) plan," Schaeffer said.

While they're saving their money, would-be buyers can research the loan application and home buying processes. There are countless resources to explain how they work, including books, Web sites, and free and low-cost seminars.

And of course, people can talk to friends and family.

At minimum, prospective buyers need to understand the elements of a responsible mortgage, said Marietta Rodriguez, national director of homeownership programs for NeighborWorks America, a nonprofit housing organization. "Financial companies have gotten very good at marketing a monthly payment." But that one number doesn't reflect the true cost of a mortgage loan.

Rodriguez recommends that aspiring buyers reach out to a counseling agency approved by the Department of Housing and Urban Development, whether for a one-on-one session or for a class. (A list of HUD-approved agencies can be found at http://www.hud.gov/offices/hsg/sfh/hcc/hcs.cfm)

These programs can help buyers better understand mortgage terms, budgeting and the roles of all the players involved in a typical real estate transaction. She suggests signing up for such a class before contacting a real estate agent. "Don't shop for houses until you know what you can afford."

Buying a house on your own is complicated enough, but the process grows more complex when another person is involved. Couples wondering whether they are ready to buy need to take a hard look at the relationship itself, say financial planners, marriage counselors and even divorce lawyers.

"If you're going to do something as serious as buying a house together, you've got to be on the same page," Schaeffer said.

"The consequences of owning a home and having a relationship fall apart are very high."

Because of that, it's worth paying attention to the emotional health of your relationship, said Scott Wolfe, a family therapist in Columbia, Md., who primarily works with couples. "There's more to buying a house than the financial aspects," he said. "When you are making that kind of major investment, you really are betting on that relationship. It really is saying, 'I believe in us.' "

A purchase that fits both of your lives

The decision to own your own home is one of the most important that you will make as a couple, said family therapist Scott Wolfe, a family therapist in Columbia, Md.

"Knowing when it is right to make this move requires more than knowledge of the housing market. Above all, it requires both partners to be emotionally ready and in agreement with their life dreams and life goals," he said. His suggestions:

n Clarify your life dreams. What do you want your life to be in five, 10, 20 or 30 years from now? What are the things you each want, such as your own home, having a substantial college education fund, having a substantial retirement fund? Prioritize these concerns.

n Share your dreams and goals with your partner. Look for similarities and discuss your perspectives. Work together as a team, and be open to compromise and to accepting influence from each other.

n Come up with a long-range financial and life plan that you can both agree on. Then move to implement this plan.

- Mary Ellen Slayter, The Washington Post