Couples who put aside differences rare, but they exist
By Paul Sloth
Journal Times | Posted: Wednesday, November 5, 2008 12:00 am
RACINE â€" There's room enough on Dan and Mary Rehm's front lawn for signs promoting both Sen. Barack Obama and Sen. John McCain.
Mary, who works for the Racine Unified School District, plans to vote for Obama. Her husband, Dan, a marketing manager for Hallman Lindsey Paints, will vote for McCain.
They can disagree about politics agreeably, but when they get going, they can clear a room of unsuspecting friends and relatives.
It's all done respectfully.
The situation in the Rehms' home belies the notion that a house divided will surely fall. It supports the idea that opposites can attract, even when it comes to political beliefs.
The Rehms have been married for more than seven years. It was partly their political differences that brought them together, Mary Rehm said.
"He would have a debate with me. No one else would," Mary Rehm said.
Dan Rehm agreed.
The Rehms still remember their first date. They talked politics. They were living in Minnesota at the time, when Jesse Ventura was running for governor. Both Mary and Dan like to argue, especially when it comes to politics.
In a world where politics is considered one of the forbidden topics of discussion among people, the Rehms respect each other's beliefs and agree to disagree, which seems increasingly difficult in a society where politics is often seen as a divisive subject.
"She'll never convince me. I'll never convince her," Dan Rehm said. "Sure, it's a
serious issue, but you've got to live your life. If politics is causing hatred, then you're not looking at something
correctly."
Opposites attract â€" but rarely
Couples like Mary and Dan Rehm manage to hold opposing political views while living under the same roof, but experts say it is pretty rare in a culture like ours, where more people tend to associate with like-minded individuals than with people who hold opposing views.
The vast majority of research studies show that people tend to be attracted to others who share their social values, said Stephen Franzoi, a social psychologist and professor at Marquette University in Milwaukee. Birds of a feather generally flock together, Franzoi said.
"Households where two people share radically different political views, those are individuals who are rare birds," Franzoi said. "Couples like that are very rare. They stand out."
Bonnie Lazarevich and David Mitchell have been together for 17 years. They didn't really discuss politics when they first started going together.
They've managed to stay together, despite the fact that Bonnie is a Minnesota Vikings fan and David roots for the Green Bay Packers.
They've also respectfully disagree when it comes to
politics.
Mitchell, 45, says he is conservative and traditionally votes Republican. He's voting for McCain. Lazarevich, 39, doesn't identify with a party, but she likes Obama and plans to vote for him.
"I don't know what a Democrat is or what a Republican is. I don't know the difference. It means nothing to me," said Lazarevich, who is currently looking for a job. "I want to know who they are and what they stand for."
Neither Mitchell nor Lazarevich came from political families. They vote regularly. They agree they've talked more about the candidates this time around than in any other year.
While they take their votes seriously, they draw the line at getting too worked up about politics in general.
"We have more important things to think about than differences in political views," said Mitchell, an electrical technician. "It's not going to keep us together or break us apart."
Couples who are divided when it comes to national politics are not always divided when it comes to local politics, said John McAdams, a political science professor at Marquette University.
A couple voting for opposing candidates cancel each other out, but there is rarely any reason for one to try to persuade the other to change their mind.
"People vote out of citizen duty. It's not rational in terms of benefits to any individual," said McAdams, who specializes in elections and voter behavior. "If one vote really did matter, they would have a strong incentive to vote as a block."
Research has shown that political differences can make or break a relationship, Franzoi said. For couples who make it work, they've found a way to respect their differences.
"In some ways you can admire couples like that. In other ways, you think, â€óHow the heck can you do that?' " Franzoi said.